Darkened Soul (When Watchers Fall) Read online

  Rosdan grabs for me when I sag onto Chaz’s chest, yet he doesn’t move me, leaving his hands on my back. He lets me die, so his brother can live.

  Like it was always supposed to be in the end.

  Even with my eyes closed, blackness bleeds in. The void is so much darker as my lungs draw in their last breath. My life force fully abandons my body, leaving me empty and so cold. But it doesn’t matter. Because when my heart stops, I feel the first thud of his beneath my cheek.

  A moment of relief before the pull takes me all the way under, and then I’m in the basement with Hex helping me off the floor. Abaddon’s across the room, blocking Chaz until he stumbles back. I see us in the desert, experience the glares and scowls, relive the realization that the darkness was inside him. The bar, the trailer, all the days in the apartment together. And the nights. I witness Nyla die all over again, Chaz comforting me. Then the demon attack and Rosdan with the blade, and suddenly, we’re back to the explosion of light.

  After feeling the death over again, I’m over my body, which is draped across Chaz’s.

  And I see the energy inside him—my life.

  “Nyx.” My name’s garbled, not underwater but distorted all the same as it drifts from the physical world into the spiritual.

  Chaz blinks awake and then jerks upright at the sight of my body. “Fuck, baby.” He cradles me in his lap and looks up to Rosdan. “How long has she been gone?”

  Long enough. I already feel the tether between my body and soul weakening.

  Before I run out of time, I seek out Hex—but not for the cold and harsh essence inside him. I want the fading white light in his hand. Other than being hell-bent on making Abaddon pay, I don’t know how I could have missed seeing the light in the dagger last time—unless Nephilim blood keeps it active longer.

  But now, all I see is the energy. Even at a distance, I sense Chaz’s divinity in the mix of warmth within the blade. I draw it toward me, easing away from the rest and then coaxing it out of the steel.

  “Holy. Shit,” Rosdan says, and I know he sees it.

  I can’t check though. All my focus stays with the light. While Cass’s and Rosdan’s almost felt magnetized to them, Chaz’s seems less steady, as if it wants to scatter in several different directions. Still, I keep forcing it closer to him. Inch by inch.

  Once his light reaches a certain point, it glides through the air with almost no effort on my part, wanting to return, like it recognizes him. He inhales deeply as it crosses into his chest, spreading through him until his essence radiates as brightly as his brothers’. No more void.

  My angel is glowing.

  I feel myself slip and quickly fall into my body before losing hold. Reentering is different this time. My soul settles as it should, but I know it won’t happen again. The next time I die, I won’t come back. And I’ve accepted it by the time the heat of Chaz’s skin reaches me, and my lungs breathe in air filled with him.

  When I open my eyes, every muscle in his face relaxes at once, his eyes glistening. I throw my arms around his neck as he buries his face in mine. My cheek presses to his shoulder, and I grasp him all the tighter, seeing Hex on top of the boulder. The fire highlights his smile, and he takes a slight bow, the Dimming Blade still in his hand when he steps through a portal and disappears.

  Cass hits his knees, slapping a hand on Chaz’s shoulder while he scans my face. “Thank you.” His mouth turns up on one side. “Now, I’m going to hunt down your ex.”

  He drops from there with Rosdan giving me a quick smirk and following. But Hex is long gone and won’t resurface anytime soon.

  “Damn it, Nyx.” Chaz pulls back and grips my face between his hot palms, crushing his mouth to mine. “That was my fucking moment,” he says, still kissing me. “I was saving you.”

  I melt into him, placing a palm to his chest where his heart hammers, and I can sense the life in him.

  After a second, his lips leave mine. “Shit.”

  Gripping my chin, he turns my face away. His fingers skim around, and as he sweeps my hair away from the back of my neck, I brace for what I already know. He traces down a wavy line but not the ring of the Ouroboros.

  “My tattoo’s gone,” I whisper.

  His face grows serious as he nods. “I’m so sorry, Nyx.”

  I smile, grazing my nails over the stubble of his jaw. “I’m not. Not even a little.” I kiss him before I sit back and run my hand over his cheeks and then his forehead, pushing his hair back. “You’re so warm now. Is that a light thing?”

  He nods. “Apparently, it’s a full-time gig now. Why? Are you disappointed? Because, if you’re worried about not getting off on the darkness anymore…” A chill works its way through my jeans as his thumb rubs over my leg. “Seems a few of the shadows weren’t quite ready to let go yet.”

  “Doesn’t it hurt?”

  “No, baby. What fucking hurt was thinking I might lose you.” He lets out a long breath, searching my face. “I love you, Nyx. I have no idea how I survived any of my existence without you, but I’m not doing it again for a single second of my eternity.”

  I feel his words in my soul, becoming a part of me—like I always knew he was supposed to be. While it might be the start of my last life, it gets to be my second one with him. And so far, it’s already everything I’ve wanted throughout all of them.

  It’s only been a week since the Demon Massacre of the Mojave—which, without our powers, would have been a bitch to clean up. After I sacrificed myself to save the woman I loved, only for her to out-sacrifice me by dragging my ass back from death, one would think a vacation was in order. But Watcher duty doesn’t afford much time off, so I’m following Avery home from the daycare.

  Life’s already back to normal with the twins, no one any the wiser. At the beginning of their apartment lockdown, Rosdan and Cass took care of bosses and professors and anyone else who might take issue with them essentially disappearing, so it was a smooth transition.

  While the light might always be pumping through my veins now that Nyx shoved it back in, everything inside me flows Avery at the moment. I watch her park under the lamppost outside the apartment building, and I flex my hands. Heat cascades down my arms and into my palms, the ever-constant cool in the tips from the shadows. But I sense the difference between the usual divinity and what’s coming from her.

  Once my charge gathers her bags, she climbs out with her hand buried in her purse. I wait for her to get to the sidewalk before I step around the corner.

  “Hey, Aves,” I call, hitting the lock on my key fob.

  My car beeps from a few spaces away, and she slows down.

  She brings her hand out of the bag when she sees me, letting go of the pepper spray, and she adjusts the strap. “Do you usually get home now?”

  I shake my head, crossing her path to her opposite side. “Early night.” Then I add, “Lucky you.”

  We walk toward the building together, and she rolls her eyes, never noticing the dude with the switchblade retreating in the direction he came from. Inside, I usher her onto the elevator and hit the button for our floor.

  As the doors close, she glances over. “So, what exactly is it you do?”

  “Life insurance,” I say, willing her not to push for specifics.

  But she does.

  “I know that, but do you file the claims or sell it or—”

  I turn toward her fast, the glow breaking through my skin as I cup her face. “You know exactly what I do, Aves,” I tell her, my voice butter and her eyes softening. “And you think it’s boring, so you never ask about it.”

  She nods. “Most of what you do is boring.”

  Smiling, I nod back. “Incredibly. You won’t remember this conversation.”

  I let go of her, and she blinks out of her daze as we reach our floor.

  “You and Nyx should stop by later,” she says on our way down the hall. “We could watch something—no horror.”

  “You sure?” I ask. “I know how much you lov
e that shit.”

  After a little suggestion, the twins think the chick Kai dated was Corey, who looks nothing like Nyx. Helpful in keeping movie night and Chinese from being incredibly awkward.

  We go our separate ways at our apartment doors. I flip the lock on mine and set my keys on the counter as I head to the bedroom. Nyx has successfully taken over half my dresser since I won’t let her use the closet. But right now, it’s occupied. I open the door and squat beside the UV light set over Samy’s amulet. The crystal might be broken, but with a little Nephilim blood and TLC, it should repair itself over time. I hover my hand over the top of it, emitting light for the crystal to absorb until it glows on its own.

  Once I finish feeding my pet rock, I seal it back up. Then I drop to the lake behind the farmhouse.

  Nyx is already on the dock, staring out at the water, and I walk up behind her and slide my arms around her. We’ve done the lake thing the past few days since she scattered Nyla’s ashes. But while she’s here for the ripples reflecting the colors of twilight, I come for an entirely different view.

  “I’m thinking about calling a realtor,” she says after a minute.

  She sinks further into my chest, resting her head on my arm, and I lean down to kiss her temple.

  “Or we could hang on to it for a little while. I’m about over the shitty-apartment scene, and it would be nice to have more room.”

  She cranes her neck to see me. “For what? When you crack and move Kai and Avery in with us?”

  I make a face and shake my head. “Fuck no. For when you decide you want this in miniature form.”

  Nyx spins all the way around in my arms, eyebrow raised. “Are you asking me to create a Nephilim-Descended hybrid with you?”

  “Not even a little,” I say fast.

  Jesus. What a disaster that would be. Lydia would self-destruct. Not to mention, I rather like this version of creation. I’d hate to be the reason it got a reboot.

  I tuck her hair back. “I was planning on a more basic human-Descended model.”

  Nyx stills, not breathing or blinking until she whispers, “But that would mean…”

  We haven’t talked about what happens now that I have my light. I’m immortal again. No aging. No dying. And as far as I’m concerned, that only leaves one option—I ask to become human. A request I never considered until recently, but if it means spending my forever with her, I’ll fucking beg on my knees.

  I tip my chin down to bring my face closer to hers. “I’ve been in the light, Nyx. I’ve felt the darkness inside of me. Hell, I’ve experienced them both at the same time. None of it compares to you. None of it ever will.”

  She smiles, and I skim my nose along hers as I move my hands to either side of her face.

  “You’re going to marry me,” I tell her with no light coming from my palms.

  She nods. “I am.”

  I nod back, rubbing my thumb to catch a tear. “And we’re going to live a mortal life together, die, and then I’m going to fucking love you for eternity.”

  “Yes,” she says. “To all of it, Chazaqiel.”

  “Good.” My mouth turns up. “Because it was going to get weird if we weren’t on the same page about this.”

  A rap version of “Jingle Bells” blares from the speakers in the living room, tinsel hangs off tinsel in the doorways, and Cass murder-glares at anyone who even looks like they might not be having a jolly time. Must be Christmas. Our second one of the year, thanks to Hannah insisting we celebrate in July too.

  “Jesus,” Chaz says, stepping beside me. “We need to end Cass because I cannot keep wearing these fucking sweaters.”

  My eyes dip to the angels on his chest, playing soccer with a halo, and I sip from the cup that was forced into my hand to hide a smile. As I swallow whiskey with a dash of nog, I tip my cup toward Kai on the couch. “Explain to me again why your charges are here.”

  “Kelley insisted I not leave them alone for the holidays.” He shrugs and spins, backing farther into the room until he sinks down on the sofa. “Easier to play along than upset Cassannah, brother.”

  I nod. “Yeah, I’m sure it is. Speaking of, where’s the other half of Naz?”

  He flips me off, and I get a shove from behind as Nyx comes through the door.

  “You’re supposed to be the tolerable one,” she says.

  When she sits on the couch beside him, Chaz hauls her into his lap and kisses her cheek. It’s weird as shit to witness, like seeing a unicorn in a petting zoo—which were real until the last reset on creation. For whatever reason, they didn’t make it back into the fold.

  I finish off my whiskey, and when I turn for the kitchen, a five-three blonde hits my chest. I catch Avery by the waist with my free hand before she stumbles, and she grabs on to my arm. She finds her balance and peeks up at me, her cheeks flushing.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, releasing her grip. “I usually let a guy buy me a drink before I throw myself at him.”

  One side of my mouth perks up, and without missing a beat, I offer her my empty cup. “We’ll just do things a little backward.”

  She laughs. “I guess we will.”

  Instead of letting go, my fingers curl around her hip, and she tips her chin the rest of the way up. She has no idea most of this has happened already. And she proves it a second later.

  “It’s Rosdan, right?”

  I nod, my smile tight as my hand falls away. “Ros.”

  My name means nothing to her, though, and she taps the rim of my cup, stepping around me. “Thanks for the drink.”

  “Anytime,” I say, turning with her.

  She crosses to the couch. Despite the leggings with Santa’s face splattered all over them, my eyes stay glued to her ass until Chaz cuts off my view.

  I worry he’s caught me checking out his charge, but he stops in front of me and knocks his empty cup against mine. “I need to be drunk before Kelley wants to karaoke or some shit.”

  “Very drunk.”

  “Did the lights just flicker?” Nyx asks from behind him. “Did they flash or something?”

  He looks over his shoulder. “Probably. The breakers can only handle a few thousand twinkly bulbs at a time.”

  Not an untrue statement. With the amount of decorations plugged in, we’re lucky the Kelley family house hasn’t caught on fire. According to Cass, Hannah’s dad nearly electrocuted himself annually. Not that I felt much sympathy over him juggling two charges—one now, and he fucking lives with her. Same with Chaz and his two across the hall. I have five, three of them not even potty-trained yet, meaning I have plenty of time left on Earth before any chance of going home.

  Chaz’s head is just coming around again as a hand slaps my back and jerks me through the doorway by the shirt.

  “The fuck?” I say, spinning around to Cass.

  Since Nyx gave us back our light, I could stand balls out in a snowstorm and stay warm, but seeing the panic on Cass’s face as he backs across the kitchen to Hannah chills me down to my fucking soul.

  Chaz steps beside me. “Shit, what now?”

  The tension radiates off him as we exchange a look. Neither of us is used to Cass being alarmed over anything other than the safety of the woman at his side.

  “I don’t know.” Cass shakes his head. “She was just getting something off the fucking shelf, and—”

  “What the fuck happened?” I ask.

  “She fell off the counter. I went to catch her, but then … shit.” He drags a hand through his hair and gestures to Hannah. “Just show them, baby.”

  She hesitates for a second until Cass gives her a nod.

  And then she drops from one side of the kitchen to another.

  “Oh—holy shit,” I say as Cass drops right behind her.

  He snakes an arm around her, giving us a what the actual fuck look. But even if Chaz or I had the slightest idea of what the actual fuck that fucking was, we wouldn’t have time to report before the room stills. All three of us sense darkness—and not
from Chaz. Cass moves Hannah behind him, and Chaz and I cover the door. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I stay focused on the dark corner where a shadow shifts by the table.

  “I come in peace.” A hand appears first, palm out, as if fending us off, followed by a black loafer and then the rest of his fucking suit.

  My palms glow at the sight of the Upper, but Chaz’s all-out spark.

  “We might have a problem,” Hex says, bringing the Dimming Blade from behind his back—the handle first and then the broken-off blade.

  Rosdan’s story will continue Winter 2020.

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  “Danger”—Anjulie

  “Liar (It Takes One To Know One)”—Taking Back Sunday

  “Grace Kelly”—MIKA

  “Demons & Angels”—G-Eazy, Miguel, The Game

  “Attention”—Charlie Puth

  “Hands To Myself”—Selena Gomez

  “Where Is My Mind”—Pixies

  “Lake Of Fire”—Nirvana

  “Die For Me”—Post Malone, Halsey

  “Goodbye Angels”—Red Hot Chili Peppers

  “Alive”—Pearl Jam

  “God is a woman”—Ariana Grande

  “You Ruin Me”—The Veronicas

  “Lights Up”—Harry Styles

  “Wish You Were Here”—Pink Floyd

  “Live Forever”—Oasis

  To my readers, thank you, thank you, thank you for following me on this journey. Whether you’re new to me or have been on the train since the beginning, you’ve taken a chance on my words at one time or another, and that means the world to me.

  LB, I seriously have no idea what I did to deserve you. And, yes, I’m purposely leaving it vague, so no one knows whether I mean that in a good or bad way. WE were meant to be. Thank you for riding shotgun on Chaz’s fuckboi transformation. I’m glad he won your heart.

  A huge thanks to my beta readers—Emmily, Callie, and Joe. The time you took to read, comment, joke, and help me shape the story is forever appreciated. I know, Callie. Chaz is your future ex-husband. Chill.