Darkened Soul (When Watchers Fall) Read online

  “Not like this life has to last me much longer anyway. You’ll get your light back soon”—she straightens her shoulders and presses her hands into me—“and then I’ll unbind you and reset.”

  Her lids fall closed, and the hum shivers over my skin. It’s the first time Nyx has said she would unbind me from Abaddon. That, after we reverse the light from the blade, she’ll willingly die. For me.

  My heart starts beating faster, and I’ve never been surer of anything in my existence.

  I can’t let her.

  If I wondered about Zagan’s cutoff comment from last week in the hallway—before his cheap shot at me with a fireball—I’m guessing it probably would have gone something like this: But remember, you can’t hide forever, and there are plenty of ways I can be a fucking prick in the meantime.

  They hit Rosdan first. He couldn’t tell if they were after him or his charges or just there to make a point, but it was five Lowers all at once. I had a pack of them outside my window a few nights back—Zagan in the background with his blue flame. Cass dealt with an Upper stalking him and Hannah through their building’s parking lot until he lost his patience and chased her off. She seemed like an independent contractor though. Another Upper ready to take over Donny’s crown.

  With the attacks spread out over all three of us now, Rosdan has drastically cut down on his time here. He spends more time with the triplets and follows his other two charges anytime they leave the house. Even though the kid sits in a classroom all day and Mark stays in his cushy executive office—both protected by blocker bags. Not that I blame him. So far, none of the demons have realized my unprotected charges live five feet away from me, but I still stare at the palm stone like my eternity depends on it. And if my light returns—so that I’ll still have one—it will.

  “You need help?” Nyx asks, coming into the bedroom.

  I’ve been researching all day and stockpiling any spells that show promise. A little while ago, I activated the blade with Nephilim blood and cast every one. All worthless.

  She sprawls out on the bed beside me. I move my books over, sliding one under the pillow in case she’s figured out how to read a dead language in the past few hours. Since I’ve decided I fucking love this woman, I’ve branched out my search beyond the Dimming Blade. If I’m unbound from Abaddon, it won’t be by her. I’ll find a spell or track down another Descended—anything other than letting her die.

  “I’m good.” I scrub my hands over my face.

  She crawls onto my lap, and I lean against the headboard. “You’ve been in here for twelve hours.”

  “The fuck?” Sure enough, it’s after eight when I check my phone. “Sorry, baby. You eat?”

  “Mmhmm,” she says, laying her head on my chest.

  I have zero plans on moving first, and I hold her on one side while watching the palm stone in my other hand. Kai’s working toward a deadline while Avery empties the dishwasher. Riveting stuff. I’m about to switch to her brother again when she drops a fork in the basin and reaches for it. Then she screams, jumping back.

  “Fuck,” I say, jolting upright and knocking Nyx off me. “Avery just sliced her arm open.”

  “What?” She scrambles off the bed as I dash out of the room.

  “She caught the tip of a knife.” I’ve listened to her bitch at Kai to quit leaving knives sticking up countless times. Christ, if I lose my eternity over a household chore, I’ll be so pissed off.

  Not caring about demons, I rush across the hall and pound on the twins’ door. “Aves, open up.”

  “Chaz?” she cries from the other side. A second later, she answers in tears, panicked, with her hand clamped over a dish towel.

  I hit an invisible wall with my next step. “No, no, no. Aves, I need you to listen to me.”

  She nods, and I start to tell her where in the kitchen the blocker bag is when I remember she’ll only deactivate it for Cass or Rosdan. I teleport to my bedroom for my phone, but before I call Ros, I hear Nyx. Across the hall.

  “It’s okay,” she says as I blink to the twins’ door again.

  “Nyx.”

  But she’s already inside—safe. For the moment. She stands in the living room where I can see her and picks a crystal out of the bag. Then, I’m in the apartment, and the amulet around my neck glows as I cup Avery’s face in my hands.

  “We’re going to help you.” I try to smile as her cheeks warm, and she falls under the light’s effect. “You won’t try to run or make any noise, okay?”

  She nods, and I hitch an arm around Nyx and teleport them to my living room. I head straight back and suggest Kai stay chill, too, and then all four of us are in my apartment. Kai immediately sits on the couch without a word like I told him to.

  Nyx carefully peels the bloody towel back. “She probably needs stitches.”

  I call Rosdan, but it goes to voicemail after several rings.

  Avery’s paling—not a fan of blood in the first place.

  After an unsuccessful call to Cass, I blow out a breath. “I’m going to have to portal her to the ER.”

  “Wait.” Nyx shakes her head and backs Avery to the couch, prompting her to sit down, and then she turns to me. “All stitches do is hold the skin together until it heals.”

  My eyes dart to my bleeding charge and then return to Nyx, and I huff out a shocked laugh. “Fuck, I love you.” I smash my lips to hers and lower to my knees beside Avery.

  After a second, Nyx steps around me. She throws a leg over Avery and scoots up her thighs. Under different circumstances, incredibly hot.

  I toss the dish towel onto the cushions and hold the wound closed while Nyx sacrifices a month of life to keep my charge safe. Her lashes brush her cheeks, her lips slightly parted. Magic happens right in front of me, but all I see is her.

  Once the scar forms, her eyes flutter open, and she turns her head. “What?”

  I shake my head. “I just like looking at you.”

  She smiles. “You fucking better.”

  We clean Avery up, and then I teleport her and Kai across the hall. I use the amulet to make them forget everything that happened in the past ten minutes. Since the spell will kick me out when I reengage the blocker bag, I also tell them not to touch the velvet pouch on the table. Cass or Ros can put it away later.

  I leave Avery’s room, already thinking about Nyx’s head on my chest again while I read. As I go to shut the twins’ open apartment door, I see her across the hall through mine. It only takes her eyes landing on me and then shifting to something behind me. I whip around with the amulet, its light slamming into the demon before her flame touches me. She staggers backward, and I snatch up the crystal and toss it in the bag. It forces us out of the apartment, and we pop up outside the building in the grass.

  The location change disorients her long enough that I can teleport into my apartment. I land, and the first thing I scan for is Nyx. And once again, she’s across the hall.

  I throw my hands in the air and flash to my doorway. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “You left it open!” She grabs the twins’ doorknob.

  I reach for her, jerking her over the threshold just as the Upper appears. The door slams, and with everyone in their safe place, my forehead falls forward against the wood. I draw in a deep breath, feeling Nyx’s arms come around me, her head resting on my back.

  “I meant it,” I say.

  A few beats of silence has me thinking she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, but then she slips around to get between me and the door. I move enough to give her room and run my hands up her neck. She hangs on to the front of my shirt, staring up at me.

  “Say it again.”

  I trace her bottom lip with my thumb. “I love you, Nyx.”

  Her eyes close, and she sighs. “I love you too, Chazaqiel.” She waits a second and then smiles, looking at me again. “But I’ve got a few lives on you.”

  “Yeah, well, you had a head start.” I bring my mouth to hers and mumble, “I’ll ca
tch up somewhere between here and eternity.”

  The attacks only grow stronger over the next few days. More calculated.

  The Uppers begin coordinating, and I’m starting to get the impression they give less of a shit about who kills me as long as someone takes me out while I’m bound to Abaddon. The dude collects enemies for a hobby.

  Their strategy depends on my brothers turning on me. Threaten the Nephilim, so Cass and Rosdan have to pick—their charges and eternities or me. And I have no illusions about how it would go down if that happened. I’d choose Kai and Avery over them too.

  But the demons have to get to a Nephilim first.

  “Hannah’s on Thanksgiving break,” Cass says, pulling her to his side. “We’ll stay inside our apartment or drop straight to your charges’ place.”

  Rosdan sighs through the speaker of my phone. “Alistair’s on break as well. I’m going to suggest Mark take his vacation early this year, and then the entire house is going on lockdown. Family time galore.”

  I nod, and Cass leans forward with his bullshit radar engaged.

  “We’re getting this figured out.” He lifts an eyebrow when I don’t immediately respond. “If you think I’m letting any of us get taken out because of something Donny pulled, maybe you should be wiped from existence.”

  Hannah shoves his shoulder, and one side of his mouth turns up.

  “You’re a dick,” I say.

  “And you’re an asshole,” Rosdan chimes in. “I’ll be there later after I get everyone settled in here.”

  The second Cass and Hannah leave, the amulet powers down. I swear, it’s like my fucking pet at this point. A living, breathing thing I’ve bonded and formed a connection with. Its power increases every time I use it—nowhere near as strong as Samy had it at, but he knew a shit-ton more spells. Each power bump also intensifies the ache of the darkness, though, so it can level off anytime now as far as I’m concerned.

  When Nyx comes out of the bedroom, she beelines for me on the couch. She still hides when Cass comes over. She claims she’ll stop once he quits glaring at her. I hate to break it to her, but that’s just my brother’s face.

  We only get an hour before Rosdan calls so I can let him in. Unlike Cass, he has fully warmed up to Nyx.

  With him on knife duty in the living room, Nyx is occupied with yet another one of his quizzes on The Descended. I take advantage and sneak off to flip through the last book that might help unbind me from Abaddon. I’ve hit so many dead ends that I’m starting to wonder if Nyx has any idea what she’s talking about. Binding of life essence or force or the soul seems outside anything The Fallen have run across in our time on Earth. Everything is wiped out each time the Abyss opens to cleanse the Earth in preparation of a new creation, so if a spell like this existed prior to the last reset, we’d have no way of knowing.

  “Shit.” I close the back cover, no further ahead than when I started.

  After I set the book under the bed to avoid nosy women finding it, I teleport to the sink in the bathroom. I splash water on my face, trying to wake up after numbing my mind. As I dry off, Nyx’s voice floats in through the cracked open door.

  “Can I ask you something?” She sounds serious, and since when does she ask Rosdan shit instead of the other way around?

  “Sure,” he says.

  I hang the towel and step closer to the door.

  “The darkness will leave when Chaz gets his light back, right?”

  “If not then, it should once he’s unbound. From what I can tell, the darkness is trapped inside of him because of the bond with Abaddon. It stays in his body even if blasted with light from the amulet. In a true demon, the darkness wouldn’t stick around.”

  Ros and I are on the same page with that one. Usually, the darkness is forced into a mortal by a demon, or in rare circumstances, it swoops in on its own as a mortal’s dying. By catching the soul before it leaves the body, the darkness can extinguish it and take over, postponing death in a way. Flood a host with enough light to overpower the dark, and you banish it. The shadows inside of me can’t seem to escape, though, and my soul seems intact, like it can’t quite get the foothold needed either. In my body, but not a part of me. It’s as if the darkness were leasing with an option to buy.

  “I check on his life force sometimes,” she says. “Each time, I have to push through more darkness to get to what’s him. He can teleport farther, and I bet his portals would cover more distance, too, if he tried.”

  She must not have noticed yet that I can control the shadows, direct them where to go. I clench my fist, feeling them beneath the surface.

  Rosdan stays quiet for a few seconds. “The light left a void inside of him. If the darkness is coming from Abaddon, it might split more evenly between them over time. Or he’s getting a better handle on the powers, so you’re sensing it more.”

  “Yeah,” she says, and I hear the fake smile. “Maybe.”

  Later, Rosdan is about to take off to do a quick check on his charges.

  “I’ll be back in a bit. I’ve tracked down a few viable spells I need to try.”

  I nod, not offering more. I haven’t said anything to him or Nyx since I came out after their little chat. Honestly, I’m fucking sick of being the topic.

  Once he drops, I head to the kitchen. Nyx is sitting on the counter as I take care of the bag.

  “You okay?” she asks.

  “Great.” I throw the pouch into the cupboard and slam it shut. “I have a legion of upper-level demons after me, my brothers are chancing an eternity of their souls sitting outside the gates, and you’re having conversations with Ros about the darkness.” I stop in front of her and lean on the counter, my hands on either side of her. “Do you want me to use the amulet more?”

  She shakes her head. “No, of course not. It hurts you.”

  “I’ll hurt then. If it stops you from worrying, I’ll fucking suffer.”

  Nyx tugs on the pockets of my jeans until I move closer, pushing between her knees. I sigh and hang my head down to her shoulder.

  “I can’t stay locked up in here much longer.” I glide my hands up the outside of her thighs. “Not with everyone in danger because of me.”

  She rolls her shoulder, so I straighten up. “It won’t be much longer.”

  “You have no idea how long this could take. And the demons won’t let up for the holidays or because Rosdan’s charge runs out of vacation time. Every minute I sit on my ass in here, a charge is closer to losing their life. Cass could end up losing Hannah forever. I could lose you.”

  Every attack, I grow closer to losing my shit. So much of it has to do with her. The need to protect her burrows deeper anytime she’s in danger.

  I owe Cassannah a million apologies because I fucking get it now. All the way down to my darkened soul.

  “You just need to hold on a little longer,” she says. “Please?”

  The concern on her face feels like another blade slipping between my ribs. Stealing everything left inside of me until I’m down to a shell. But I want her to have it all.

  I curl my fingers under her chin and tip it up, so I can kiss her. “When this is all over, I’m giving you eternity, Nyx. I need you to remember that, no matter what happens. We’re a given.”

  She smiles and drapes her arms over my shoulders, and I lock her into memory when she says, “Can’t wait.”

  The sun is skimming the horizon by the time Rosdan gets back, and I shift Nyx from my lap to the couch. I let him in and then plant a kiss on top of her head.

  “I’m going for a quick shower.”

  Ros is already on the floor with the dagger, and I slap him on the shoulder on my way past. I lock the bathroom door and scratch my jaw, staring into the mirror for a second. Then I teleport to the bedroom.

  I ease the door shut, careful not to make any noise, and grab the stack of books off the dresser. While I’m shoving them in a back corner of the closet, I notice the picture sticking out of a box on the other side. It serves as
a decoy to the mystic shit compartment underneath. A few old photos and artifacts I sell for extra cash. The picture peeking up is of my brothers and me years ago. The one Nyx tried to sneak out of here and back in. Like my existence hasn’t revolved around watching longer than she’s been alive.

  I take it without looking and adjust the lid before moving the box to the floor. Over the past few weeks, my stockpile of Nephilim blood has diminished, but I have enough left for one spell.

  And all I need is one.

  Bringing the vial with me, I leave the letter I wrote earlier on my pillow and set the frame with the photo of Nyx and her sister on the now-empty dresser. I tuck the group shot in the corner, giving them both a last look, more time spent on one face than the others. She’s what I’m looking at when I close my eyes, the image of her still on the back of my eyelids, and when they open, I’m in the parking lot.

  I promised Nyx forever. I’ll give her forever. Ours just might not start right away.

  The longer Chaz is in the shower, the worse I feel about him hearing me with Rosdan earlier. I couldn’t give two shits about the darkness inside of him. Even if it stays after his light returns, I’ll take any version of him. Including the hollow one that’s been appearing the last few days.

  “Your charges are safe?” I ask Rosdan.

  He glances up from the note he’s been scribbling out for whatever spell he’s about to try. “Between the level of security they have for humans and what I have for demons, they’re more secure than Area 51.”

  Rosdan reaches for one of the vials of blood he grabbed from the closet earlier. I look past him to the dark hallway. The soft whine of pipes comes from a different apartment, but I keep listening for the door.

  With the blade on the table, Rosdan tips the vial. The blood drips onto the steel, and it flares to life. The brightness burns my eyes, this entire side of the living room bathed in white. I squint to see Rosdan as he picks the weapon off the table. He stares right at it, not bothered in the least.

  “How can you look at that?” I ask after a minute.

  Rosdan scrunches his face. “The blade?”